Christmas. For some,
it’s a time of giving, for most it’s a time of wishing they were receiving, and
for some, it’s a time of pain and grief.
Too often, we hear people complaining about having to go shopping or not
being able to find that perfect gift.
Sometimes, it’s someone complaining that they *have* to shop for a
random relative that they don’t really even care about. People scurry around and get irritated over
materialistic things, like not finding the right Under Armor socks for their
kids or the new Playstation being sold out.
Others have a panic attack when they can’t find a parking spot close
enough.
For those who have suffered the loss of a child, spouse,
parent or sibling, Christmas means that the fact that you’re not celebrating
the holidays with your loved one. Not this
year anyway. As Christians, we have the
blessed hope that we will spend eternity with our loved ones that followed
Christ, but it still hurts. We yearn to
talk to our daddy just one more time, to text our sister or mom about losing a
jean size, feel the warm embrace of our spouse after a long day at work, or
wrap our arms around a little one and feel them snuggle in close.
This year, God has placed many people in my life that have
suffered a major loss. I lost my dad
back in 1997, and I still feel like I should be able to drive down to Arkansas
and have some fresh produce from his stand or go work with him in the
garden. It’s crazy how so much time
can pass and we feel like we should still be able to just spend time with our
loved one who has passed? My Christmas
days are now filled with the smiles of my girls and time with my sweet
husband. Many Christmases have passed
since that first one without my dad, and a lot of healing has occurred for me. At the same time though, there are those who
have suffered more recent losses, and Christmas is *not* a happy time. In a perfect world, they would be celebrating
another year with their spouse or parent, watching the smile of their little
one as they discover the wonder that surrounds this time of year, and just
moving along with their everyday routines.
Instead, everywhere they look, they see ornaments that remind them that
they will never have that first Christmas like they should have with their
baby, or the late night gift wrapping with mom at her house so that the
grandkids don’t see their gifts. They
see an empty spot where the tree should be, because they just don’t have the
emotional energy to put the decorations out.
They see letters to Santa from their other children, asking for him to
bring their baby brother back from Heaven.
My question is, do we see them? Do we put on our compassion glasses and see
their hurts and struggles, or do we just assume that they’ll be okay. After all, it’s been X amount of years or
months since their loss. Do we see the
tears that they cry and reach out to them, to offer a listening ear or even to
just sit in silence with them? When
death comes around, no matter the age of the one it hits, the initial reaction
is to offer condolences and prayers, but do we follow up? We are called to be a light, and to clothe
ourselves with compassion for others.
When the music fades and days turn into months, months into years, the
pain is still there, but oh, how quickly we forget when it’s not our pain. Sure, we’ll think of them randomly, but when
that loneliness and emptiness comes calling, will we be there? No matter the age, the losses are still felt
for a lifetime.
I beg of you, please, consider those who have suffered a
loss. Forget about getting that Furby
that your child just “has” to have and cherish time with your kids. Your wife may really like that bracelet she saw
at the jewelry store, but time spent together is worth more than any diamonds
or gold. NASCAR with your hubby may be
the last thing you desire, but there are wives that would give anything to have
just one more day with their husband.
Those late night/early morning feedings that you complain about would be
a huge blessing to parents who don’t get the chance to watch their little ones
grow up. The times you would rather do
something besides hang out with your parents are times that someone else would
cherish if their parents were still on this side of eternity. Cherish the time you have with your loved
ones, show them that you care, and if you know of someone who has to deal with
the “new normal” in life, moving on without their parent, spouse, sibling or
child, please, oh please, show compassion!
Let them see the love of Jesus alive in you, and don’t judge how they’re
grieving. Grief is different for
everyone, and even if you’ve drank of the same bitter cup of loss, we all
handle it our own way. Pray for them,
offer support, and as you sip hot cocoa with your family, remember that there
are so many around us that won’t ever have that chance again. There are little girls writing letters to Santa,
even though they don’t believe in him, expressing their sadness and asking him
for the impossible. The letter at the top of this blog is real. Her mom gave me permission to post it, because she wants people to know that we all need to gain perspective on what is really important and wear our compassion glasses, especially this time of year. You never know what the people around you are going through. #perspective
